One thing I have noticed when talking with different friends who are suffering with infertility is their sensitivity about it. I don't mean this as a jab or to judge them. It is a very sensitive topic. I can completely understand how they would feel upset or disappointed when someone asks if they are going to have children (or more children in some cases) or when someone announces a pregnancy. I use to feel that way a little when trying to get pregnant with D. You get defensive, wondering why it is any of their business if I have more children. Or you wonder why them and not me. Why can they have so many children so easily? Why do they finally get to end their battle with infertility when I can't? It can be heart wrenching.
Today I realized that my Heavenly Father has recently given me a great gift. I didn't realize it before, but after talking with some friends I could see it. After dealing with so much pain over not being able to have another child, the Lord has instead blessed me with understanding and love. I don't feel upset when others ask me about the size of my family. I know they are usually just concerned for us or curious, and I can understand both emotions. I no longer feel upset when other people are pregnant. I can honestly say I am genuinely happy for them, probably a little overly excited. :) I have found myself no longer praying that we might have another child, but rather praying for friends of mine who have been trying to conceive.
I hope this doesn't offend anyone who might read it. I don't mean any offense. I just wanted to express how grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who has allowed me to find peace with such a painful issue. I still long to hold a little baby of my own when I hold a friend's baby, but that is OK. I can share in their joy completely now. It is such a wonderful thing.
Now if I could just be blessed with the gift of enjoying hard work. Maybe then my house would be clean more often. :) I guess we all have room for improvement.
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