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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Temple Trip

Last night my husband and I made it to the temple. It is the first time we have gone in a year. We have our excuses. The temple is an hour and a half away. We were new to the area and didn't know anyone well enough to ask them to babysit D for the 5 and 1/2 hours the trip would take. But I am thankful for a good friend who volunteered to watch D so we could finally make it out. I am so glad we went.

Waiting for the temple session to start, I felt an overwhelming love for my husband. I always love him, but it was a strong confirmation that I made the right decision in marrying him. Also, I had an overwhelming thankfulness for my family of three. I am greatly blessed.

I have been looking at my infertility all wrong. I have been looking at it as our choice to keep trying or to stop trying. It has been my choice on how much money and emotions and time to pour into conceiving. I worried I made the wrong choice to not keep trying to have a baby. I thought my choices would affect whether we would have another baby or not. I realized that this way of thinking is not exactly accurate. It is not a choice of mine. The choice as been made. The Lord has given me a trial. I can only choose how I react to this trial. I was thinking that if I searched out more and more medical help, I could change that. And that may be the case for some people, but I knew deep down it wasn't what was in store for us, at least not at this time.
Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God? (D&C 6:22-23)
 I had been looking at it like I was missing out on blessings by not being able to bear more children. I realize now that I have it all wrong.  I have been greatly blessed to have a son. Knowing how hard it has been this time around and how much is working against us, I am in awe that we easily conceived the first time after only 6 months of only medication. I feel the Lord granted me this blessing. D was our own small miracle.
"Be still, and know that I am God."
Ps. 46:10

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